Hairy Pawter and the Order of the Fleanix
by applexc0re
Summary: A Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix parody. Disclaimer: I am not the genius here, JKR is. But, if you have the urge to call me a genius, you may do so.


Hairy Pawter was a black-haired tabby cat with brilliant green eyes. Eyes that showed up

magnificently even when it wasn't dark. He also had an odd baldspot in the shape of a paw print

in between his ears. He lived with his only living relatives, his aunt, uncle, and cousin.

They were the Durfleas. Uncle Mewrnon had practically no tail and was very bushy. Aunt Purina

was a very nosy, curious cat. She had at least twice the tail her husband had. She was also short-

haired. They looked disproportionate when together. Cousin Cudley was an overlarge, blonde-

colored cat.

Hairy had lived with them as long as he could remember. His parents were dead. The Durfleas

lied to him for years, said they'd died of tuna poisoning. The Pawters did not die of tuna

poisoning. Or any poisoning for that matter.

They were murdered. Murdered by the most powerful dog of all time. He was known as Lord

Voldedog! More commonly known in the cat clawing world as Dog-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named

or, in short, Cats-Know-Who.

Hairy Pawter attended Catwarts School of Cats and Claws. He had two best friends, their names

were Catold Fleasley and Hair-mione Clawer. He sent them many letters, wondering what was

going on. Though they always said the same thing "We'll see you soon" or something along those

lines. He judged by their short letters that they were together. But how soon woul dhe join his

friends? They were probably having a wonderful time without him. He could imagine them, sitting

around the Burrow, probably laughing at one of Gred&Forge's jokes...

Hairy sat up in his room wondering about this for a very long time. Then he heard the door click

open. It was Uncle Mewrnon, probably coming to tell him off for something he supposedly had

done. But, instead, he informed Hairy that they, as in, Unlce Mewrnon, Aunt Purina, and Cudley,

were going to some 'Best-Kept Litter Box Competition' and that he had better stay in his room.

Hairy dully agreed without really paying attention and Uncle Mewrnon left the room.

Hairy suddenly heard a crash down stairs. His ears perked up. The Durfleas couldn't be back

yet...

Hairy opened the door and (cautiously) stepped out onto the landing. At the foot of the stairs

were at least half a dozen cats of every color. He recognized a couple of them, Acatsor "Mad-

Eye" Moody, the cat with the mismatched eyes, and Catus Lupin, the gray, tired looking cat.

Moody spoke.

"Come on, Pawter, get your trunk."

"What is this all about?" Hairy asked, confused.

"We're your Cat Guard. Catsadora Barks, or just Barks, Mewsley Shacklebolt, Elphias Dog,

Catsadalus Diggle, Meowline Prance, Sturgis Pawmore, and Clawia Jones, and ,of course, you

know Catus Lupin. We're here to take you away." said Moody.

"How are we getting...wherever it is that we're going?" Hairy asked, more confused still. Catus

spoke this time.

"By scratching post of course!"

"I'll go get my things!" Hairy said, eager to to get back on his Pawprint.

"I'll help!" Mewed Catsadora Barks.

They went up to Hairy's room. When Hairy grabbed his scratching post, Barks exclaimed "Wow!

A Pawprint! I'm still scratching an old Meow-Mix 260!"

When they had everything and were outside on the drive, a shower of fish-shaped sparks flew up

into the air (the signal) and they were off. It felt great to be scratching again. After about thiry

minutes of ongoing scratching, Hairy's paws started to ache. It was also rather cold now that it

was so late at night. Hairy wished it wasn't summer; he was shedding.

Another hour and a half later, they stopped in an ugly, dirty little neigborhood. Acatsor Moody

handed Hairy a can of expired tuna. Mad-Eye told him to read the label to himself. It read: _#13 _

_Catsauld Place. _

Hairy looked around. Number twelve was on the left. He looked to the right, number fourteen.

But where was number thirteen? Almost as soon as he thought this, a door appeared and, soon

following the door, a house shaped like a fish appeared out of thin air. Acatsor gently knocked on

the door with a mouse-shaped knocker. There was a clanking of chains and the scrape of a lock

and they stepped inside.

They were sounds of someone hurrying toward them. It was very dark in this house so Hairy

wasn't quite sure who it was until he was pulled into a hug and someone turned the lights on. It

was Mewlly Fleasley, Catold's mum. Then she showed him his room. Catold and Hair-mione

were there.

"What is this place?" He asked them, after greeting them.

"Official Headquarters of the Order of the Fleanix." Hair-mione said.

"What's it for?" Hairy asked, happy to see his best friends. Catold answered this time.

"The members of the Order work against Cats-Know-Who."


End file.
